Archive for the “What's So Funny About The News?” Category
It’s a slightly less than serious look at the latest news, whether it’s the latest report on the aphrodisiac-like qualities of the lima bean or how completely unaware Britney Spears was of being completely inappropriate.
- While much of the nation basks in the afterglow of Barack Obama’s election as president, the economy continues to dominate the news with a report today that the nation’s unemployment rate jumped to a 14-year high of 6.5 percent in October as another 240,000 jobs were lost. If you’ve ever been on a 10-meter diving platform with a bunch of people nudging you to jump, you know exactly how Obama feels…
 And that wasn’t the only lousy economic news of the day either–FordW announced that it lost $129 million in the third quarter, and says it will cut another 2,260 white collar positions in North America. If I were them, I’d be working like crazy to design a car that costs $500 and runs on coffee grounds…- President-elect Obama is looking to the nation’s economic experts for help as he convenes a meeting with 17 members of his transistion economic advisory board Friday. Among those participating is super-investor Warren BuffetW–who may be called on to draw on his petty cash fund to buy the banking industry outright…
- Polling experts say that the outcome of the presidential election proves there was no white bias, suggested by the so-called "Bradley EffectW". As far as they could tell, the only possible white bias was the one against Joe the Plubmer, Joe Six-Pack, and Hockey Mom…
- Former New York governor Eliot SpitzerW learned that Federal prosecutors won’t be bringing charges against him for his role in the breakup of a prostitution ring that put an end to Spitzer’s rising-star political career. The possibility of criminal action against Spitzer has been hanging over his head ever since the story broke out–just as I imagine a large meat cleaver has been hanging over other parts of him as well…
 A fall snowstorm that has dropped almost 4 feet of white powder in the Black Hills of South Dakota and was swept up by winds gusting to 50 mph has created unthinkable travel conditions, and has stranded unknown numbers of motorists along Interstate 90 and elsewhere while visibility continues to be nonexistent. The upside to all of this–Mount RushmoreW collectibles are, like, 80% off…
Tags: Barack Obama, economy, Eliot Spitzer, Ford, Warren Buffet
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- A new Associated PressW poll reveals that 1 in 7 voters are either undecided or could switch allegiances–and they are more likely white, less likely liberal, and probably backed Hillary ClintonW run for the Democratic nomination. This could give her tremendous clout with a new administration–perhaps even her own White HouseW job as chief shrew and harpy…
- There was grim economic news from the Commerce Department yesterday, as they reported Thursday that personal spending in September fell by 0.3 last month–the worst decline in 4 years, and when coupled with flat results in July and August makes for the worst quarterly performance in 28 years. In other words, we aren’t buying squat–and what we are buying probably isn’t worth squat either…
 Delta Airlines announced Thursday that Northwest Airlines would become its subsidiary and would eventually merge with Delta into a single carrier–but that integration would take at least 2 years to complete. One of the toughest jobs–taping a new logo onto every one of those bags of stale pretzels…- Military whistle-blowers are likely being discouraged from ever taking action, as an investigation of the Pentagon Inspector General–the agency that supposedly protects those who report wrongdoing from being punished for it–has ruled in in favor of the military in over 90 percent of the nearly 3000 cases it reviewed the past 6 years. In many cases, it never even examined evidence supplied by whistle-blowers–which makes being one just about as appealing as drawing point duty on a suicide bomber hunt…
 An Israeli archaeologist says he has discovered a pottery shard from at least 3000 years ago, with what may be the oldest known Hebrew inscription to date–which would suggest that Biblical tales of the kingdom of DavidW may actually be based on written accounts. What’s most fascinating is what the inscription means–translation has been slow, but so far they’ve been able to decipher "Made In Japan"…- Philadelphia is abuzz with excitement today, anticipating a noonday parade featuring their World Series-champion Phillies that will likely be celebrated by a crowd in the hundreds of thousands. The city hasn’t had a big winner in 25 years, so city officials are asking fans to celebrate in a more civil manner–which probably means no cheesesteak looting…
Tags: Associated Press, Delta, economy, Election Day, Hillary Clinton, Northwest Airlines, Pentagon, World Series
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- The Associated PressW reports that Barack ObamaW is leading in Ohio, Nevada, Colorado and Virginia–all states won by President Bush in 2004–and would assure him of victory if the trend continues. The John McCainW campaign continues to stress that victory is within reach–although they don’t really say by whom…
 Another day, another see-saw ride on Wall Street, as bargain-hunters helped the market to a near-900 point jump Tuesday which was met with gains in most Asian markets as well. This is just like the BOGO at Macy'sW, except that you’re buying a sweater that you don’t actually know if it will ever fit…- The Federal ReserveW is expected to cut a key interest rate a half-point to 1 percent–a near historic low that is seen as necessary to try and keep the nation from falling further into recession. Meanwhile my credit card company is trying to explain to me how, "to serve you better", they’re boosting my interest rate to 43%–a month…
- Reports from inside North KoreaW say that leader Kim Jong Il has suffered "a serious problem" with his health–a charge government officials continue to deny. They know the truth–it’s nothing more than the "serious problem" with his personality he’s had all his life…
- After just the second suspension of play in nearly 80 years of World SeriesW games Monday, the Philadelphia Phillies and Tampa Bay Rays will try to finish Game 5 tonight–likely facing windchills around the mid-20 mark. I guess that means we won’t see the end of those adorable ear-flap caps–which I love, since it makes this collection of spoiled-brat multi-millionaires look just like the geeks they made fun of in high school…
 A new university study has found that cold sufferers–carrying a virus that can live as long as two days outside the body–are most likely to spread their germs on refrigerator handles and TV remotes. Obviously, this is the couch potato’s worst nightmare…
Tags: Barack Obama, Federal Reserve, health care, John McCain, Kim Jong Il, North Korea, Wall Street, World Series
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 A highlight of John McCain and Barack Obama’s Wednesday debate was McCain invoking a recent exchange between Obama and "Joe the plumber", the Ohio man who told Obama he wanted to buy the plumbing business where he was employed but worried he couldn’t because Obama would raise his taxes. McCain later said "Joe" was the real debate winner–and then learned Joe wasn’t a licensed plumber, owed back taxes and was mostly speculating about the business idea, which made Joe about as popular to McCain as Charles Keating…- Wall Street continues to careen in every direction, with Monday’s record gain of 936 followed by another drastic drop of 733 Wecnesday, then a true rollercoaster ride Thursday that saw the market down about 500 points before finishing up 401, with Friday’s trading starting off 250, but improving to about even at press time. Experts still say leaving your investments where they are is the best advice in the long run–unless of course you were actually hoping to spend any of it in the next 20 or 30 years…
- While the economy may be down, Social Security is going up–a 5.8% increase for next year will be the largest benefit bump in a quarter century. After reading the preceding story, seniors are probably grateful there’s something that’s actually appreciating in their portfolio…
- In a report out Friday, the GAO says that two US labratories–handling some of the world’s deadliest germs–lack some basic security features like adequate cameras, detection alarms and visible armed guards at public entrances. This is a little unsettling to me–there’s better security than this at my grocery store’s express lanes…
- Reformers in Iran are hopeful that former president Mohammad Khatami might challenge Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in the June presidential elections, with a former vice-president saying that Khatami can’t avoid it, adding, "It is a historic situation. He has to run even if he doesn’t want it personally." This may be one of those times when having a religious leader as a head of state actually improves the government…
  The Philadelphia Phillies–the first team in professional sports to to lose 10,000 games–will head to the World Series for the first time in 15 years after beating the Los Angeles Dodgers 5-1 Wednesday, while the Boston Red Sox won their 8th elimination game in a row Thursday night with one of the greatest postseason comebacks in history as they overcame a late-game 7-0 Tampa Bay lead to defeat the Rays 8-7. One team propelled to their sport’s pinnacle after a lifetime of disappointment, and still another historic franchise that continues to disprove its one-time ninety-year curse–and people wonder why it’s called America’s Pastime….
Tags: Barack Obama, debate, GAO, Iran, John McCain, Major League Baseball, Social Security, Wall Street
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John McCain returns to New Hampshire Wednesday, 
India has launched its first moon flight Wednesday, 
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