Britney Spears will once again open MTV’s Video Music Awards on Sunday, but network bosses say she won’t perform–it will instead be something "fun and unexpected" for the 25th anniversary of the show.  Fun and unexpected–you mean not looking or acting like the picture at left?

While Britney Spears’ career seems to finally be heading in the right direction, her legal problems continue, as an LA judge denied a request by her attorney to dismiss a charge of driving without a license, which likely means her case may be headed to trial next week.  I assume she won’t be driving…

U2’s new CD, originally scheduled for a fall release, has been pushed back to sometime in early 2009, as Bono says, "I thought a while back we might have the album wrapped up by now, but why come up above now if there’s more priceless stuff to be found?"  In other words, the rest of the boys are still teed off with that recent stereo-blasting experience…

Akon may be headed for a trial in downstate New York over charges he tossed a teenager off the stage during a concert last year, after asking in a brief court appearance for a jury to hear his case beginning December 1.  I’m pretty sure the only place he wants to be Konvicted is on the album charts…

Tuesday’s 2-hour premiere of 90210 set a record as the highest-rated scripted series in the short history of the CW Network.  It’s a great start, but the show’s producers should really should consider some network "synergy"–you know, like putting star Shannen Doherty in the ring on WWE Friday Night Smackdown…

An attorney for X Files star David Duchovny says his client’s claim of suffering from a sex addiction is not a publicity stunt for his new cable series Californication–where he plays a sex-obsessed writer.  This is a case of life imitating art imitating life irritating the living crap out of most of the normal people in the universe…

• One of America’s enduring teen Idols–Donny Osmond–is pointing to fellow Utah native and Idol contestant David Archuleta as someone who could follow in his footsteps, saying, "I just think he’s got a lot of potential. He’s got a lot of humility, which is a factor that has made people fall in love with the kid."  And what about that resemblance?
• It looks as though Britney Spears and MTV have really made up–she’s been nominated for three VMA Awards, with nods for Best Female Video, Best Pop Video and Video Of The Year.  Either she’s really turned a corner in her life, or MTV is stuck in a 1999 time warp…
• Daughtry has hooked up with CNN in a campaign to encourage first-time voters to go to the polls this fall and is supporting the effort by releasing a cover of the classic Foreigner hit Feels Like The First Time–another way Chris says the band can be political yet remain non-partisan.  It’s the difference between acting like Bruce Springsteen and Barbra Streisand…
• Now that same-sex marriages are legal in California, the long-awaited wedding of Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi was finally, er, consummated Saturday night, when the Emmy-winning talk show host and her long-time actress girlfriend were married in front of a small group of family and friends in the couple’s Beverly Hills home.  Would it be wrong of me to say that everyone had a gay time?
• A U2 fan walking by Bono’s home in the south of France heard the singer’s voice blasting from a stereo, and decided to whip out a video camera to record the audio and post in on YouTube–which turned out to be tracks from a new album from the band that’s scheduled for a November release.  Sadly, the audio is no longer available–those darned copyright rules are just no fun…
• AdAge.com reports that GEICO’s trademark caveman, who has proven so popular that he even had his own short-lived sitcom, will be used by ESPN to promote their fantasy football feature and its SportsCenter shows on various ad mediums.  Apparently the deal was done so easily, even a caveman could have managed it…

• Now that Britney Spears has helped MTV to promote their Video Music Awards, she’s in negotiations to appear on the show.  I don’t think it’s a question of if she’ll be on–it’s whether or not she’ll have to dance with the elephant…
• Daughtry is set to perform at both Democratic and Republican National Convention events in support of the ONE campaign, an organization who works to raise public awareness of global poverty, hunger and disease.  When it comes to human rights, Chris obviously believes in being an equal opportunity nag…
• New dad Clay Aiken will return to his role in Broadway’s Spamalot next month, now that close friend and producer Jaymes Foster–who became pregnant by in-vitro fertilization–gave birth to their son Parker.  I think it’s just wonderful that two people like this can decide to start a family together without romantic entanglements that neither of them want–and it would be even nicer if one of them would just admit that he’s gay…
• The distributors of the straight-to-DVD movie National Lampoon’s Pledge This! have sued producer and star Paris Hilton for not adequately promoting the film.  Frankly, I don’t see her hanging out and signing autographs at a few thousand Blockbuster Video stores…
• Music magazine Blender asked both John McCain and Barack Obama to list their top 10 favorite songs, and their choices provide a little insight to each of them–among Obama’s faves were songs from The Fugees, Bruce Springsteen, Kanye West, U2 and Aretha Franklin; McCain’s tops included ABBA, The Beach Boys, Neil Diamond, plus jazz great Louis Armstrong and  country legend Merle Haggard.  They both listed Frank Sinatra on their Top Tens–which means they have about as much in common musically as they do politically …
• Former Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Oakland Raiders defensive tackle Warren Sapp says he’s going to compete in the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars.  Considering Sapp went 6′2" and 300 pounds during his playing days, which consisted of crushing whoever had the ball, he’ll make an ideal partner–with anyone willing to wear armor…

• Another day, another story about the Jonas Brothers, as their long-awaited new CD A Little Bit Of Longer was released Tuesday, with brother Joe calling it a "happy" album, adding, "I think when you hear it, you hear the smiles — you hear us being happy."  Mostly because they know it’s gonna sell like 3 bazillion in the first week…
• If you haven’t yet seen any of the promotional ads for the Video Music Awards recorded by Britney Spears and host Russell Brand, take a look at it one here: 
  

  Wow–she almost looks sober, doesn’t she?

• The spinoff of Beverly Hills 90210 is falling apart even before it gets started, with reports that Tori Spelling has bailed out on the show because she was making less money than co-stars Jennie Garth and Shannen Doherty.  That’s too bad–it would have made for a great story line…
• Speaking of more money, the cast of Lost is pressing their bosses for raises after learning that stars Evangeline Lilly and Matthew Fox are getting pay bumps.  Not surprisingly, they were marooned on an island with no hope of rescue…
• The Special Olympics apparently finds nothing special about the upcoming film Tropic Thunder–they are protesting the repeated use of the word "retard" in the film in reference to a character in the movie.  Ben Stiller, who not only directed and wrote the film but plays the character in question, basically feels the flim is making fun of people who hold those beliefs–and if you disagreee, you’re a retard too…
• Ed McMahon is being sued again, this time by a company claiming he defaulted on a $250,000 loan made last year.  When asked by reporters for confirmation, McMahon repeatedly blubbered, "AAA-Oh!  You are correct, sir!"…

• The Jonas Brothers oudid Miley Cyrus’ appearance on Good Morning America’s summer concert series Friday, drawing an estimated 20 thousand fans at New York’s Bryant Park.  The boys have a distinct advantage–they’ve got screaming teenage girls and their moms who love them…
• It appears that Britney Spears and MTV have a sense of humor about her most recent appearance at the Video Music Awards, thanks to a promo airing for this year’s show that features Brit and VMA host Russell Brand cracking jokes about sexual tension while an elephant looms large in the background–a clever reference to her horrible performance last year.  I hope this ends the rumors about her appearing in this year’s show with the elephant so she’ll look good by comparison…
• Katy Perry has gotten a lot of flack about her hit I Kissed A Girl from people who say she’s corrupting young people with the song, and she explains in an interview with The Fresno Bee that she wasn’t trying to be deliberately provocative, saying, "I’m really just talking about my life. I did kiss a girl. That was my experience. The song is really about curiosity." She adds, "I’m like, ‘Honestly, you’re so worred about a little kiss, but then you’re gonna sing along to ‘Lick me like a lollipop?’  Amen…
• Clay Aiken announced Friday that his close friend and producer Jaymes Foster has given birth to his son, named Parker Foster Aiken.  The two are not romantically involved, but plan to raise the child together–which will almost certainly give this child a wonderful sense of irony about the world…
• The entertainment world was rocked by two deaths over the weekend–comedian and actor Bernie Mac and the legendary singer-songwriter Isaac Hayes.  This is really a terrible blow–not only were both of these men terrifically talented, but those poor South Park kids won’t know what to do without their Chef…
• Matthew McConaughey told CNN that he plans to fertilize an orchard by planting his son Levi’s placenta there, recalling how he had seen it in practice in Australia.  Well, I guess that this is better than his original plan–to alternately eat it and rub it on his chest while saying, "All right, all right, all right"…