• The American Academy of Pediatrics is recommending that some children as young as 8 be given cholerterol-fighting drugs to help fight future heart problems.  Physicians would make the determination based on family history, current levels of both "good" and "bad" chloresterol, and the child’s daily intake of bacon-and-bacon sandwiches…
• Cooler, more humid air Sunday gave firefighters in California a tiny break in their battle to control another wildfire threatening 2,700 homes in the Santa Barbara area.  Maybe it was just the Governator channeling Mr. Freeze from Batman And Robin…
• Congress returns from a week-long holiday break with plans to provide foreclosure relief, stop Medicare cuts and broaden intelligence agencies’ ability to track suspected terrorists–all planned for completion by early August, when members will break for another month and likely begin re-election campaigns in earnest.  So they’re cramming a ton of work into just a few weeks’ time–this is gonna turn out just like my last home remodeling project…
• Health experts warn that John McCain’s plan to tax health insurance premiums as income and then give those paying them a tax credit would lead many employers to stop providing it as a benefit, since many of their employees could buy individual polices for less than the tax credit they would receive.  This sounds like a great plan–if geometrically increasing the nation’s uninsured is what you had in mind…
• The United Arab Emirates has agreed to cancel $7 billion of Iraq’s debt and has moved to restore diplomatic relations there, a sign of improved security and acceptance of their Shiite government.   And as a thanks to US efforts there, the UAE promised that Americans would never pay more than $20 a gallon for gas…
• The latest edition of Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary features some new additions–"Texas Hold-’Em" and "dirty bomb", as well as the lesser-known "Norovirus", "edamame", and "pescatarian".  Just missing this year’s list: "K-Fed", "baby mama", and "Britney-tized"…

As hundreds of gay couples begin to obtain marriage licenses in California yesterday on the first day such unions became legal there, demonstrations have begun by those opposed–calling the ruling that overturned the state’s voter-approved ban an action "by the activist judges on the California Supreme Court".  I’m pretty sure the translation to that is, "those anti-family left-wing pinko liberal terrorist lovers"…

Flooding from the Mississippi River continues to affecct Iowa and Illinois residents.  I read that things could have been even worse if FEMA hadn’t stepped in the last time this happened in 1993 to buy much of the most vulnerable property–which was back when they actually did some good…

Barack Obama has reacted sharply to criticism from John McCain’s campaign claims that he has a pre-9/11 mindset towards terrorism, saying yesterday that he would take no lectures from, quote, "the same guys who helped to engineer the distraction of the war in Iraq at a time when we could have pinned down the people who actually committed 9/11".  Guess we can call that an election issue…

A federal appeals court tossed out the convictions of a White House official on charges he hid knowledge of his dealings with jailed ex-lobbyist Jack Abramoff, saying the official had no legal duty to disclose what he knew.  Inside the Beltway, health insurance and paid vacations are just the basics of employee benefits…

Human rights groups say that former terrorism suspects held by the US military in both Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay prisons were tortured and received other abuse resulting in serious injuries and mental disorders.  Do you think there’s any chance our decendants will back on this time and say, "Thank goodness for Dick Cheney, Father Of Our Country!"…

Some 15 tattered $20 bills recovered from the ransom paid to notorious hijacker D.B. Cooper were sold for $37.000 yesterday at a Dallas auction.  I imagine there’s more than a few people who think the winner was D.B., wanting a momento of his adventure…

• California’s Supreme Court has overturned a voter-approved ban on gay marriages.  Even Rice-A-Roni didn’t make San Francisco this happy…
• Republican nominee-in-waiting John McCain declared for the first time yesterday that the Iraq War can be won by 2013.  He forgot to add that it would require activating Boy Scout troops for summer vacation tours and that gas would cost more than cars…
• The IRS reports that up to 350,000 Americans did not receive the $300 per child refund due them as part of the economic stimulus payments going out now, due to taxpayers’ errors and problems with commercial tax preparation software.  That could explain my stimulus payment of $147,000…
• Barack Obama accused President Bush of "a false political attack" when Bush suggested in a speech in Israel that there were those in his country who would appease terrorists–what Obama took to mean his comments that he would meet with leaders of nations like Iran and North Korea.  He only wanted to see if they could convince Hillary Clinton to quit…
• Congressional Republicans ignored veto threats from President Bush and sided with Democrats to pass a $290 billion farm bill that increases food aid for the needy and to call for the temporarily halt of the government’s daily oil purchases for our emergency reserve.  When your own party is turning its back on you, it’s time to start warming up the memoirs machine…
• Michael Connor Humphreys, who not only played the the younger version of Forrest Gump in the Oscar-winning movie but  followed his characters’ footsteps into the Army three years ago, will end his enlistment next month and return to movies.  I’m pretty sure there isn’t a Forrest Gump: The Braces Years planned…

• Just in case you didn’t know, today is the deadline to file federal and state tax returns–you can request an automatic 4-month extension, but you’ll still have to pay now to avoid penalties and interest.  If you have a refund coming, you can also get an extension–only you’ll have to prove you’re a member of the League Of Procrastinators…
• Congress is talking about forcing Iraq to begin covering some of the costs of the war and reconstruction there.  How about this–just send us a couple billion gallons of crude and we’ll call it square…
• President Bush will meet Pope Benedict XVI as he arrives at Andrews Air Force Base today to begin his first US visit as pontiff–and the first time a US president has greeted a foreign leader there.  Aides reminded the president that his old National Guard chaplain is not considered a head of state…
• Republican nominee-in-waiting John McCain has proposed that Congress suspend collection of federal gas taxes this summer, saving drivers just over 18 cents a gallon.  So with gas prices here close to $3.50 a gallon, that’s about a 5% decrease–hardly worthy for Mr. Senior Citizen Discount…
• A new report concludes that America’s health care system is not prepared for baby boomers about to become senior citizens, with too few specialists in geriatric medicine available and Medicare unable to adequately cover necessary care among the challenges.  Too bad the Generation Of Protest didn’t save up a little bit of that for now…
• Geologists say that there is an almost 100% probability that California will be hit with a devastating earthquake anytime in the next 30 years.  That means there’s a 100% probability that LaLa Land will spend every moment between now and then simultaneously horrified and titillated…

• California will begin voting by mail for its February 5 primary, and it’s estimated that over half of all ballots may be cast days or weeks ahead of Election Day–forcing candidates to consider spending precious dollars to attract them now.  Their marketing strategy has to be revised as well–for example:  "Stamp out poor health care with your 37 cent stamp of approval for Hillary Clinton"…
• A canal rupture in Nevada filled area homes with as much as 8 feet of water Saturday while freezing temperatures there have hampered efforts to get the water to drain away.  It might go faster if there was just a better demand for mud-flavored Popcicles…
• New York Yankees pitcher Roger Clemens told 60 Minutes that he was "shocked" that his teammate and close friend Andy Pettite used human growth hormone, and added that he might be willing to take a polygraph test.  He only had one condition–that no questions about his own use be asked…
• Transportation planners say traffic circles, or roundabouts, are replacing traditional lighted intersections because they improve traffic flow and virtually eliminate accidents that traditionally occur when making left or right turns.  That’s because drivers are so confused by them that they never get off…
• Many pediatricians nationwide now say there is no good evidence to believe as they did in 2000 that babies will avoid allergies if expectant mothers avoid eating certain foods.  As to the mothers who’ve believed the past 7 years that they gave their children allergies by eating nuts or drinking milk, there’s no reason to believe they might try and beat their babies’ doctor into submission with their nursing bra… 
• A British woman was banned from driving for a week there after a recent trip where she drove her car just 10 miles an hour on a major highway. She was apparently on her way to a snail aficionado convention…